You eloquently summarized probably at least half of what is wrong with most of the autism industry and affinity spaces. People who wield a scary amount of power to gatekeep resources decide on a whim whether you conform to the confines of their sample size of possibly just one, even when their schooling should have taught them better, especially in statistics coursework. Whether you are or know somebody autistic, somehow, the specific autism you know becomes the yardstick by which to measure others' validity in far too many cases.

"You're not like my child!"

"Stop making autism trendy!"

I have lost so much faith in humanity.